We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just pee around me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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