she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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