dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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