I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we're so committed to being not committed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
