his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
