i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
