Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
