ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
