You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
