i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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