I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
