I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
