I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
