I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
