I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
