I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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