She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
