the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
