well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
