I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
