We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
