I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
