that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
