theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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