Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
