I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
