we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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