WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
