im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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