Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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