like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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