a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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