yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
