shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
