so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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