If i come over, it means nothing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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