He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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