erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
