so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
