Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
