you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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