yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
