dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
