Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
