there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
