I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
