there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
