If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
