I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
