and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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