If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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