and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
